The Difference a Year makes, Blessings….
On this date last year I tried to present to you a Teddy that was happy and open and willing to explore the world. I had just returned, literally, from a trip to Paris for the entire month of July. Although I DID have a great time, there were a few looming personal issues that stuck out to me and which caused me a major discomfort.
In the world Kevin Hart, I have to say “Let me explain”.
Last year I ended a relationship with a person in Paris, who wanted nothing more in the world then to be with me. Whatever the case was, that relationship had to be let go of in order to move forward in my life. During this same time, the girl (I literally mean this because the only thing womanly about her is the motherhood that she has to endure for her son) that I was seeing for many years passed attempt conducted herself in ways that hurt me immensly. Now, I see it for what it was. I never allowed my feelings for either of them to pass until I was left alone and left in the lurch. During this same time financial problems began to set in. I sold my motorcycle and car in order to finish with Univeristy and in order to pay for my house (and family/friends living with me while I paid the bills and mortage alone) and family’s lifestyle. Also, I had not seen the little munchkin, the son of my ex, for quite some time and I missed him with a huge pain.
With all that occuring at the same time, the only thing that I thought about was improving myself and my mental condition. Some of you may have read that portion of my writing, and others haven’t (I invite you to it but will not accept judgement by it). During this time I had a transition from who I was to who I am to become, and I am still in that transition today.
One year later! My house is in the process of closing on a sale, and God Willing it does with the same value that I am expecting.
One year later! I am dating a woman who does not create drama for me and is willing to put up with my crazy ass.
One year later! I am moving to San Diego to do exactly what I set out to do almost exactly a year ago. Finally having the balls to do what the hell I need to do in order to bring about a new mindset. Peace.
One year later! I still miss the little guy, but I know that his Grand Father, Joe, is so fucking badass that he will make sure Jayden is taken care of.
One year later! I have changed so much that I actually like country music. I have finally embraced some of the things that make the music great. Pain, loss, overcoming adversity, but most importantly……. vunerability and love.
One year later! I am quitting my job as a slave in a system, in an opression institution, in order to CHANGE.
This last year I have learn a ton. I have Fallen in love again, learned to pass time without doing things or filling in my time aimlessly, learned to enjoy and sit back. I have moved forward in my critical thought process, learned to distrust authority, and learned to rely on myself and God completely. During the last year I have overcome personal mentla hurdles and problems with my own cognitive dissonance. In general, this past year, like every other year was a learning experience.
On September 1st, the one year meeting/dating anniversary of my relationship with Amber, I will be flying out to San Diego to find a home in order to start a new life (IF GOD Allows it). I will be planning my road trip across the country, leaving behind all of the old worries and issues of my past. I will look to the horizon for a new beginning and a new way of dealing with this so-called life.
Could you imagine. Sitting on the beach for a month, working out and enjoying the 70 degree (F) weather, while having great friends and a positive vibe. Now imagine that all the stress melts away from your body, your mind becomes sharper, and you find a way to make the world a better place.
Imagine that I will do this, because I will, and imagine that I am helping God make the world a better place for all.
Peace be with you